My Leukemia journey . . . and beyond
11 years ago, I went for a two-mile, easy lunchtime run with my dear friend, Amy. She was training for her first marathon, and I was kicking off training for my 5th. A half mile in I had to stop. I couldn’t breathe. I had a metallic taste in my mouth and felt dizzy like... Continue Reading →
I was on the phone with my dear friend and co-worker, Sheryl. It was our habit to talk every morning: she from her desk in lower Manhattan, me from mine in Madison, NJ. We talked about photography a lot, a shared passion of ours. We had spent a week together at the Disney Institute for... Continue Reading →
6 years ago, I was just beginning the 10 days of the worst pain in my life that I still struggle to talk about. I eventually had to get "fed" through my IV because I had bleeding ulcers from my mouth to my stomach. Couldn't swallow my own saliva, and had to suction it out... Continue Reading →
Today marks the first of the three year anniversaries. Three years ago today, I went for a lunchtime run with my friend, Amy. I could only go half a mile, before feeling like I was going to collapse. Little did I know that I had just stepped into the journey of a lifetime. It is... Continue Reading →
When I listen to P!NK, I feel like I can conquer the world. Her music was with me through every one of the 26.2 miles of my first marathon, back in 2009. And when I close my eyes, I can still feel it... feel my feet rhythmically hit the pavement... feel the even cadence of... Continue Reading →
For the first time in a while, I woke up early, filled with energy, no aches or pains, no depression, fully engaged, my mind sharp, just Tammy. I'd say that I ate my Wheaties today, but I haven't had breakfast yet. So I'm not sure why I'm like the Energizer Bunny, but I am grateful... Continue Reading →
It is very hard to believe that today is Day +700 post-transplant. It is also 23 months to the day since I received my donor's marrow, just one more month until I celebrate my second re-birthday. And two years, three months, and sixteen days since my Leukemia journey began. Not that I'm keeping track, mind you... Continue Reading →
I have mentioned before that I love roller-coasters, but I am not a fan of the recovery roller-coaster that I am on. I am now, as of last night, on my third inpatient tour of the hospital this year. May: Blood clot in my femoral vein July: Fever, weakness, chills, sinus congestion (never found root... Continue Reading →
I really did not plan to be writing my next post from a hospital bed, especially so soon after my one year re-birthday! As I have learned, life often has other plans... and they don't often go according to my schedule. 🙂 On Sunday, my friends and family held a BBQ celebration for my one... Continue Reading →
Feeling strangely down in the dumps today, on a day that I have literally been waiting for... building up to, for a year. I have a whiteboard at work, and a co-worker/friend started counting towards day 100 last fall. I came in one morning to "Congratulations on Day __" and it was regularly updated for... Continue Reading →
One year ago today, a 34-year-old woman had bone marrow removed from her body for no other reason than to help save the life of a stranger. At some point in her life, she heard about signing up as a potential bone marrow donor, and thought it was a good idea for her to do... Continue Reading →
The last three and a half months have been a roller coaster of events, emotions, health challenges, and breakthroughs. Early on in my diagnosis, someone told me that my cancer journey would be more mental than physical. Truer words were never spoken. April: Going Up The beginning of April found me in a very good... Continue Reading →
One year ago today, I was released from the hospital after 2 months as an inpatient, having gone into remission following my second round of induction chemotherapy. Tonight, as I prepare to go to sleep, many things run through my mind. I'm grateful to be in my own bed, with the window open...fresh air flowing... Continue Reading →
This time last year, my mom visited me at the hospital, armed with two baskets and a shopping bag full of candy and toys. We spent the next hour putting together Easter Baskets for my two boys, since I wasn't home to do it myself. I could not explain to her just how much that... Continue Reading →
The third of the one-year anniversaries is today. Number two was on Saturday - the anniversary of the date I went into the hospital. I paid homage to the day by going to the shooting range with friends and putting some holes in paper down range. Therapeutic, for sure. But one year ago today, was... Continue Reading →
Finally!! I have been feeling hints of it for weeks now, my body whispering to me that it is getting stronger. This morning, as I drove to work, it was a loud roar, not a quiet whisper. My legs wanted to go, my lungs ached to feel the cool air rush through them, my arms... Continue Reading →
One year ago today - at this very moment - I was struggling during what should have been a routine 3-mile lunchtime run. I was with one of my coworkers, who really more deserves the title Dearest Friend. She is amazing, inspiring, supportive, and wicked fun. 😉 When I had to stop and walk after... Continue Reading →
Ha! Two posts in one week, whatever are you all going to think?! I figured shorter and more frequent was better than longer and infrequent. So, here we go. Six months ago today - right about this time - I was having the immune system of a complete stranger transplanted into my body. No matter... Continue Reading →
I heard the Michael Jackson song, "Man in the Mirror" this morning as I drove to work. Nothing really struck me about the song at the time, just a nod to my 80's teen years. However, when I went to the ladies' room around lunchtime, I caught a glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror, and... Continue Reading →
Why it is that I do my best blogging in the wee hours of the morning when insomnia strikes, I will never understand. I would much prefer my brain and heart work in sync at a more respectable hour, rather than the 2:42 am that reads on the clock . . . but, it is... Continue Reading →
I wasn't there that morning When my Father passed away I didn't get to tell him All the things I had to sayThose lyrics are taken from the song "The Living Years" by Mike and the Mechanics, a song that resonated soundly with me when it was released three years after my own father passed... Continue Reading →
After my itching debacle on day +1 and overnight, I finally got to sleep around 3:30 am. I forget just how many medications my nurse gave me to try and give me relief and sleep, but I was just grateful that the last batch got me a few hours. I woke up Friday morning (Day... Continue Reading →
The itching is driving me insane. My hands, my abdomen, my chest. Alternating with burning up like I'm on fire, yet I have no fever. I can't take much more of this. I'm assuming that this is graft vs host disease, and not sure what more they can do beyond the current standing meds. Here... Continue Reading →
I woke up on Transplant Day full of energy, and in great spirits. I got up and decided to go for a ride on my bike (I have my road bike on a trainer in my hospital room), and rode for 30 minutes. After riding, I washed up in the bathroom and got dressed in... Continue Reading →
So I've been sitting with my laptop in front of me all day - one window open to this post. The blank page. I have a dozen things I of which I could write spanning the last week in the hospital. Btw, can you believe it has been a full week? I mean - really... Continue Reading →
This will be short. I have a longer post that has been percolating for about 3 weeks, but do not have the time or will-power to write it this evening. Tonight is my second night as an inpatient again - this time for preperartory chemotherapy and then bone marrow transplant. I said good bye to... Continue Reading →
Okay, this might be the shortest blog update I've ever written, and I don't care a bit. Chemo has definitely been tough this go-round. The burns on my hands/rashes are worse than the previous two rounds they are burning and quite painful, and I've had IV trouble. It took 3 nurses and 6 sticks to... Continue Reading →
Friday afternoon, the admitting department called to tell me I would be getting a call on Sunday night with my bed assignment for Monday, and what time I would need to be at the hospital. There was a chance that it would be pushed off until Tuesday, pending new Leukemia admissions. So I spent Saturday... Continue Reading →
Three weeks have passed since I was discharged from the hospital. I returned to work that Monday morning, more than a little anxious. Putting on "real clothes" was fantastic. While it was sooner than I really wanted to go back, in order to maximize my remaining disability benefits. Honestly, it was good to go back.... Continue Reading →
Today is Saturday. I go home today. As I type those words, I am bombarded with a myriad of emotions ranging from ecstatic to terrified. I have lived the last 8 weeks - 57 days to be exact - in a protected bubble. My meals have been delivered three times a day, containing foods that... Continue Reading →
I slept horribly last night. The blood clot in my neck is giving me a bit of pain, and I have a dry cough that loves to plague me only at night. I fell asleep around 3:00am, and woke up around 6:00 for vitals and the daily blood draw. When I got up to use... Continue Reading →
For as long as I can remember, I have been a fan of roller coasters. There is something insanely scary and simultaneously thrilling about the rush one gets when propelled at speeds up to 130 MPH, while pulling multiple negative g's that just...well...makes me smile. 🙂 This past September, I had an opportunity to crew... Continue Reading →
When I was in high school, there was an ice cream parlor/ restaurant in Union, NJ named Jahn's. A bunch of my friends and I would go there to hang out often after church activities. I can't begin to tell you how many stories I have of our times at Jahn's. And probably as many... Continue Reading →
Today my boys turn 8 years old. I have to admit, I did not plan on celebrating in the oncology unit of a hospital. I'm pretty sure that wasn't high on their list, either. In fact, I think it was either a bowling party or a movie party that they were angling to invite... Continue Reading →
On the mend It was amazing to actually go all night without a fever. Unfortunately, the transfusion that was held off until the fever broke wasn't completed until 3:30 am, so I didn't get to sleep until then. But when I did . . . it was powerfully good sleep. Even more amazing, was waking up... Continue Reading →
The last time I was able to blog, I mentioned that I was waiting for the results of the biopsy on Tuesday (Day 21 post diagnosis). The results came back inconclusive, with not enough cells to be able to analyze. A repeat bone marrow biopsy is scheduled for this Monday afternoon, thankfully under anesthesia again.... Continue Reading →
I'm not a patient person. I think I might have mentioned that once or twice before. My mom tells me that it started before I was born. I was due in mid-September, but come the end of July I couldn't wait anymore and chose to enter the world premature, screaming and fighting. Being patient takes... Continue Reading →
The Big 'D' I slept fitfully last night, thoughts of my hair not far from my mind. I know it sounds vain, and those of you who know me from Facebook, are aware that I went through this just about a week and a half ago when the doctor told me I would definitely lose... Continue Reading →
Overnight was rough again, the usual fever and chills. I meant to mention in yesterday's post that my central line had to be removed in the afternoon, because they suspected that it had become infected. The culture that returned back gram positive yesterday for Staph infection, led them to believe that it was coming from... Continue Reading →
. . . Fever all through the night What a rough night. Probably the worst night yet. Had uncontrollable chills, and the fever spiked even higher. I was given cross matched platelets overnight, to see if that would boost my levels enough to take the chills away a bit. And then was given another IV... Continue Reading →
I've been trying to write for days, but every time I get a few minutes, I either get a call... a doctor or nurse walks in... or I am given Benadryl before a transfusion which knocks me out for 4-5 hours or more... or I just plain don't feel well. How's a girl supposed to... Continue Reading →
Have I got you singing the rest of the song? Earlier today, I determined to try to get myself to a better-feeling place. And, as I close out the night and get ready to go to sleep, my heart and mind are at peace again. I am continually amazed at the power of the mind,... Continue Reading →
6:30 am: Woke up so cranky. Don't think Ambien agrees with me. Took forever to get to sleep, though I think this was more due to the ultimately anti-climactic countdown to the end of chemo (although, thank you to JK for toasting my milestone with a shot of tequila!). Had an awful nurse last night,... Continue Reading →
With the aid of a Percocet taken around 9pm last night, I managed to get about 10 hours of sleep, pain-free. Woke up this morning with the same pain I went to sleep with - excruciating stomach pain. I'm not one to take drugs, I generally just push through unless it gets particularly unbearable. But... Continue Reading →
I ended last night waiting for the cat scan of the lungs. They finally took me down at about 12:30 am. Arrgh.... Thankfully, the results showed that there were no blood clots in my lungs. A very good thing. My nurse and I noticed a trend (the benefit of having the same nurse most of... Continue Reading →
"The Routine" Today started out pretty well. Had my energy back, despite only getting about two hours of sleep overnight. Being a huge creature of habit, my typical daily routine seems to have evened out to: 4:00 am - vital signs (generally don't go back to sleep, just doze a bit) 7:00 am - try... Continue Reading →
Woke up in a much better frame of mind today. Suffering from the effects of the chemo a little more, however. I've been tired, and have lost my sense of taste and appetite. I ordered yogurt for breakfast, and I could have sworn it tasted like drywall spackle. Not that I've eaten drywall spackle, mind... Continue Reading →
I woke up decidedly melancholy this morning. I underestimated just how upsetting cutting all of my hair off would be to me. Like Sampson in Biblical times, whose strength was in his hair, I felt that all my femininity was in my long, red tresses. To say that I shed a few tears would be... Continue Reading →
Exercise... YES! Never underestimate the power of positive endorphins. When I was moved to a new (BIGGER!) room yesterday with an exercise bike I had requested, it was a huge boost to my mental health. I was going pretty stir crazy in my previous room, not a lot of room to walk around in, so... Continue Reading →
Hard to believe I am on day 6 after my diagnosis, and day 3 of chemo. Time flies when you're, well, having fun. Oddly enough, I've overall not had a bad few days, all things considered. I laugh a lot here - joke around with my nurses, and I secretly think my doctors like... Continue Reading →
Daily Motivation
The Road Less Traveled 